I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
