i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
smell my finger.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
