The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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