i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
