respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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