You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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