Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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