yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize