Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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