I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
