Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize