Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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