Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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