Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
