if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
