Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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