What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
