Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize