dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
