I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
