he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
