I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
