I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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