Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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