Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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