Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize