So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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