i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize