I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
