I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
