Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
