What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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