Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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