So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
