We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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