We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
