i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
