So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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