Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
