i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
