dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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