I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
