Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
