she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
