last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
