i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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