I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize