I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
