I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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