The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So gin and wine won't be happening again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize