508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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