This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
third nipple confirmed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
