I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
