It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he thought i was a dude.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
