So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it's like iHOP with fire
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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