In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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