but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
