North Korea, Best Korea!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
