he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
