I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
