I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
