i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
