He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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