life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
