Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
