did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
