Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize