saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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