I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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