remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
