Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
