thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize