i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Damn victory sex feels great
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
