P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
