Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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