I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
