Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
