My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
