I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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