I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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