nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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