Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
