i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize