booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
