careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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