The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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