you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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