it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
