fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
