No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
