Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
