Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
