My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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