spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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