chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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