Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
