based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
