plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
