i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
