had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
