The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
birth control should be required to get into college
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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