My friends, they love my intelligence
You work out of a Hotel?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
