Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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