i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So many bounce houses so little time
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
