Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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