Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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